Meeting Dad

It's been a long time since I last talked to a parent and felt that I am being heard. Thank you, Dad. I guess one of the reasons that I will always go back to my Dad no matter how many times he chose to abandon me is because that I have always enjoyed my Dad's company. And deep down, I miss my Dad's presence so much. The feeling has been buried there, unknown and unrealised for such a long time already, that it took me centuries to notice it. My dear heart aches and longs to tell my Dad and Mom how much I miss those times when everything doesn't matter much, when even complicated things appear simple and sweet. How much I miss seeing the 2 of them together. How much I miss those times when it was only 3 of us. Things that sound so simple to accomplish but yet I know will never happen.

Maybe if Dad had found himself a partner, it wouldn't have been so hard for me. Seeing him alone, at the age of 59, with no money and still riding a bike to work, is simply killing for me.

I miss talking to him so. To tell him what I have accomplished in life so far. To see him nod and give me the proud smile. To cry on his shoulder and tell him I miss him so. And that I am sorry for not being there for him.

It has been 13 years since the seperation but I guess there are just certain things that you can't possibly get over it. And it doesn't help that I am such an emotional pig.

Next time, if you do want to get a divorce, only do it when your kids are either TOO YOUNG to know what's happening or TOO OLD to be bothered by it. Kids at the age range of 9 to 15 (I think) just can't handle it as well, I suppose. It IS traumatising no matter how common divorce is nowadays.

And if you are a kid stuck between divorced parents, shut both your ears and do as your heart wishes. It is the only place where the answer to what you REALLY want lies.