harrowed up

I have just received a text message from Mit today. And he asked me to help him to choreograph his item for upcoming biannual concert - Dancetitude (in August next year). And it has been preying on my mind ever since and I can't freaking study!
I know you all would have asked me to jump and grab the offer but ... I am not too sure about it and yes it bothers me! I am also well aware that Mit doesn't want to do it alone because Rizal bailed on him (Rizal is his original partner but apparently he doesn't want to do with Mit cos he thinks Mit is lazy)!!!

Why I am not too sure about it:

1. I have always thought Pat(my dance instructor) has certain doubts in me when it comes to dance. Somehow, I think that I am not good enough for him hence when he and the current committee were planning the concert and listing the choreographers, my name wasn't brought up. I don't blame anyone for that because I haven't REALLY done any choreography here cos SOMEONE will always stand up and offer himself (which I am pretty impressed by his guts cos I dont have that)

2. I am not sure of myself. I am 50-50 when it comes to confidence level. I think that I might be able to do it... but then again I do think that I lack certain skills.

3. What if people think I am not good enough???

4. Mit WILL let me do all the work (that lazy bugger!!)

5. It is such a big scale event (to me, at least)!!!! Who am I kidding thinking I can do it????? It gives me such shivers recalling what the previous choreographers did in the last concert! Bbbbrrrrrrr.....

Why I want to do it:

1. I LOVE choreography and I want people to see what I am capable of doing. I miss choreographing, something I haven't been doing for a long long time. (but then again, there is always a difference between LOVE and being ABLE to do it) and I LOVE teaching dance! And I do want to believe that I can do it!

2. HECK what people think (especially Pat)!! I am sick of living by people's standards and yes, I do want to spill the guts cos I think I've rejected so many oppurtunities that if "it" comes jumping and waving in front of me, I wouldn't have recognised it!

3. There is this weird part inside me that says that I don't mind if Mit let me do most of it! (Hmmm....but I am pretty sure I won't let him do that)

4. I don't think I am that bad....at least I know that I would be better than ONE choreographer. HAHHAHAHAAHHAAA (but damn, she has Rizal to help!)

5. Yes! I admit! Marie plays a role in spurring me to do this! Though a very very small role... Serious! It is not a practical reason, I know it myself! ( do not roll eyes at me! =P) hahhahaha


THERE! I feel better now that I have said what I wanted to say! I have always hold on to certain principles in life (yeah, conservative me) and one of it is to have no regrets when I look back next time! I think.....that I might regret if I don't do this and let it slip right out of my fingertips...