Halting Moments

Forgiveness.

Listening to someone you were pissed at months ago, complaining about a wrongdoing someone did unto her, only to realise:- hey, that was exactly the same thing you were pissed at her for!!

It was kinda surreal, no particular emotions at that point in time. She was sad, when she was recounting her story, and I felt like telling her,"You know what, that was exactly how I felt when you did that to me. So yes, I truly understand how you feel right now." And that, with no malice nor anger felt.

That was how I felt too when I see you. I didn't know how to express myself anymore. Should I be angry whenever I see her? Should I be moody then? Or maybe just a straight face? Pretends that nothing has happened maybe?

I am tired. I am tired of being angry. I am tired of asking why. I am tired of regrets. I am tired of missing us.

I don't know what to do really. I realised I have forgave her without me knowing.

I always thought I knew what to do at most times. But as I age, I feel more naive, and somehow, more emotionally unstable. More individualistic.

Is it me? Is it my surroundings? Is it Singapore?

I miss the old me. A lot.