Halting Moments

Forgiveness.

Listening to someone you were pissed at months ago, complaining about a wrongdoing someone did unto her, only to realise:- hey, that was exactly the same thing you were pissed at her for!!

It was kinda surreal, no particular emotions at that point in time. She was sad, when she was recounting her story, and I felt like telling her,"You know what, that was exactly how I felt when you did that to me. So yes, I truly understand how you feel right now." And that, with no malice nor anger felt.

That was how I felt too when I see you. I didn't know how to express myself anymore. Should I be angry whenever I see her? Should I be moody then? Or maybe just a straight face? Pretends that nothing has happened maybe?

I am tired. I am tired of being angry. I am tired of asking why. I am tired of regrets. I am tired of missing us.

I don't know what to do really. I realised I have forgave her without me knowing.

I always thought I knew what to do at most times. But as I age, I feel more naive, and somehow, more emotionally unstable. More individualistic.

Is it me? Is it my surroundings? Is it Singapore?

I miss the old me. A lot.

A Brilliant Start

And yes, I have just changed job!!!!
Bought a car.
And will start to drive soon here in Sg!

I am now a Product Specialist in a pharma company and really hope this goes well for me this time.

I am pretty incoherent now as I am writting this on my mobile and am really hungry too. Stressed by the long queue here in the driving centre

Re-defining..."Happening"

Who says your birthday month is your luckiest month?

1st week: Diagnosed with costochronditis after pain through the weekend. No worries, just some inflammation of lung cartilage that could happen due to your sleeping posture

2nd week: Had migraine over the weekend. On Monday, took MC due to UTI. No worries too, I have had that before.

3rd week:


9:00 am: Woke up to go to the loo.
9:08 am: What's that weird pain at my lower abdomen?
9:09 am: Rolled over on my side, and oh god, this is damn painful
9:10 am: THIS IS DARN PAINFUL. I can't even yelled out Darling's name, I had to call using my mobile phone next to me.
9:15 am: The pain is totally unbearable. I had one hand holding my abdomen and the other, clutching the bed rail.

AH. It is too long to type out the exact sequence of events. Clinic doctor came from downstairs and told us, that's it, she has to be rushed to the hospital. Called the ambulance. I havent had a chance to thank the dear paramedics who were so nice to me. Albeit in pain, I noticed what I have learnt when I was a Red Cross member being applied onto me! :D ok, that doesnt warrant a smiley face.

In the ER, I was pushed to scan immediately. They wanted me to do immediate surgery due to internal bleeding. Perforated corpus luteum. I was in SO SO SO much pain (worsened while they were doing a scan), I was SO SO SO darn scared of the words "immediate surgery", before I knew it, I was sobbing like a baby. :((((

Thank god for the senior consultant who came in, he thinks that I can be observed first, before any decisions were made. However, if in any case, my blood pressure drops, I would be rushed in for surgery already. This is not an open surgery, but rather a laproscopic surgery where they make 4 holes in the abdomen. Enough to freak me up. But the good point is, it takes only 2 days to heal the surgery wound.

And so I chose to believe in my body that it will resolve itself.

Night was horrible. I was poked with a huge cannola (big syringe: to make matters worse, the MO mis-poked and now my dear hand is bruised so badly), injected with painkillers, drawing of blood in tubes :( I had so much pain on my shoulders and rib cage due to the build up pressure that I dont even realise pain in my abdomen. :( Here, I want to thank my Darling who actually bought a Jazz CD that helped a lot in soothing me down.

Mom flew in the next morning.

I was better after the first night. But hey, it doesnt rain in California, but it pours! (according to Darling's mom)

Darling and Min went back home, only to find, our unit door, splashed with black tar!!! And our landlord's faces were all over with writtings on the wall!

Loansharks.

Landlord owed them money. They thought he stays here.

So we had an argument cum discussion with the landlord, on paying us back our deposit so that we can move. That means, searching for a new place yet AGAIN.

All in all, we lodged a police report, we spoke to the loanshark who believed that we are just tenants after all and now we have found a new place. Will be moving next month. Am working from home now.

La di la.

Lil newphew had epileptic fever in Pg, my dear mom was worried sick. And now, my elder sis, nearly fainted ytd, mom needs to fly back immediately to help her. Sigh.

Damn. It's not only pouring. It feels like hurricane has just happened.

Once again!

I know. I disappeared for quite some time. Inactive on facebook. Inactive on Friendster. Inactive on my blog. Inactive on msn. :S:S I couldnt have been more inactive!!

Okay, just to update, for want of a better word, a lil about myself.

I have graduated in July. Convocated, did the mortar board throwing thingy yes. Moved away from the West side of Sg and now staying in Commonwealth with tukau Kwah. No, we still don't have a dog as our pet (that explains the much doggy eyed looks at other people's pets) and URGH, we sort of have new pets now eh tukau kwah? The whole family has come to stay in fact.
:( In other words, our house was infested with cockroaches, and now all three of us here are probably qualified to apply to pest company. I forgot. I won't and will NEVER do that.

Eek.

I am employed now, as an Analyst in a small business consulting firm specifically focused in healthcare. A great combination for me yeah?

Besides the working life, I do a bit of dance, hip hop and salsa, and have been back to reading some books! :)))

That's all now dear folks. My eyes are dying, as I am always staring at the PC, hence the lack of involvement in PC-based activities. Please understand *smile* but I am always up for a drink after work!!!!

5th June 2008

... was a happpppyyyy day!!! Haven't had one in the longest time.

I am still all smiley.

It's Simply Amazing

When I read about the uncontacted tribes in Amazon Rainforest, I am superbly in awe! To think that there are people out there, who have not seen any of us:- it's so intriguing. That they leave in a world of their own and probably thinking that they are the only ones in this wide wide earth. Whoa.

No, that's not their original colour. They painted themselves according to the news. But but.... what if it IS their original colour after all? :D

It would be really interesting if some scientists could get their hands on their genes and do some testing to understand their origins. And if only, we could understand their language, I would love, just love to hear what are their thoughts on us.

Taking Baby Steps

Sometimes you falter, and you pick yourself up again. And sometimes, you lose confidence even in taking baby steps after faltering so many times.

bump:- it's alright!

plop onto floor:- once again!

balled over:- urh.... now that hurts

balled over and hit the table leg:- yikes... this is way harder than it seems. Maybe you are not supposed to use your legs???

balled over, hit the table leg and the lamp fell on me:- I am not too sure I am made to walk after all.